Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
