Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
