yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
