oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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