Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
