im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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