Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
