I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
