Cold hands, warm shart.
how can u be prego again
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
