Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
