ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize