State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
