The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
