im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
