My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
