That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
