1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
