At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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