Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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