My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
