I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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