Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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