Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
