Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
