you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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