i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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