Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
