i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
