i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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