There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
