BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
