Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
