I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
