boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
