Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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