eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
