How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
