This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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