Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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