he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
