its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
