So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its liver damage thursday
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