so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
