So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
