apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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