I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
