ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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