My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Life is so much better after having sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
