Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
