I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
