drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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