If i come over, it means nothing
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
