Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
