I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
