Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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