Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize