I'm going to jail i love you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
