living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
