He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
