when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize