Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
