This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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