She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Are we still banned from the library?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
