So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
