apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
