im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
