I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
