that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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